here lies margot’s hopes and dreams

I was listening to Spotify on my morning existential crisis commute. I began listening to my usual black podcast where everyone talks about black culture and hot gossip but then, it just got really elitist and everyone started talking about going to the Met Gala and making a ton of…

Most of us with full time jobs are going out into the world risking our lives and the government watches us die and doesn’t care.

Some of us get that little bandaid of being remote for small moments only to be forced back into the same variant filled world that existed before the surge. Variant doesn’t mean ending, there are many other letters in the Greek alphabet. This is extremely disheartening.

As I see family…

So today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. The day where white people sing we shall overcome and politicians pontificate about how he’s their favorite person. They will say all the easy quotes and meditate and misinterpret his legacy.

How should we as layfolk celebrate this day? How should we honor MLK on this day?

Let’s start with a quote from Martin Luther King’s Letter from Birmingham Jail.

“I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost…

I was doing my usual thing today. I was code switching in my native half West Covina, half sexy white rough porn star voice that I had mastered, but then something strange happened.

I started to sound black without warning.

This has never happened in the workplace before. It barely happens at home. I have this voice up most of the time. I don’t even know where the black sound came from.

Maybe I got a little angry. I don’t know why but…

Only when the queen deems your life worthy in her music video then you deserve your sad black existence. Other than that, you are no one.

Which Black Lives Matter? Only the ones you see on tv? Only the ones that fall into passing heteronormative identities? Only black lives that are middle class. Only black lives that are funny? Only black lives that can sing. Only black lives that are in a socio economic class where…

When is it too much? What are we willing to tolerate?

It is so hard for me to bet on myself right now. It is so hard. I keep thinking about the financial repercussions. I need a new car mine is coughing up oil. I am going to have to…

It has happened again. I see another friend with a new baby who can afford their own house and who is thriving. I see another person who is getting famous on the internet and has millions of followers. Another friend from my acting days is now nominated for a prestigious award, and where am I?

I am sitting in my room in the dark with a burning feeling inside of my chest. The jealousy feels like bile. I see another friend lost 30 pounds and has abs now. I used to have abs. What happened to me? Where is my pandemic glow-up? Where is my…

I’m currently trying to write myself out of depression. By redefining what success is to me because WebMD told me to. So here we are.

I’ve noticed something about myself. I find pure joy “corny” I find rest and actually knowing ones self as something to be laughable. I find myself thinking about it in a capitalistic way. …

Margot Macy

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