Everything is a Mess
My desk looks like an episode of hoarders. Everything is on it and it is a testament to the insanity that I have slipped into.
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There are three different types of planners on my desk. None of them work. All of them are less than a third used. There are body wipes from my case management days and residential work days when I didn’t have time to shower and all I could do was wipe down and wake up the next day. There are Clorox wipes everywhere too. A coffee warmer and a coffee cup with coffee still in it. There are a multitude of books all needed and all important and all unread. There are yoga dice, and fitness dice, and stressballs. There is a black panther cup filled with highlighters only. There are pens unopened and opened. There are fidget spinners from different organizations I have worked with and from my own need. There are cards from my husband, past jobs, past friends, and business ideas. There is a lot of hand sanitizer. There are three bonnets for sleeping. There is a wig once worn. There is a box of tea that my husband hates the smell of. There are affirmation cards and artistic card stock which was used for vision boarding.
There is a vision board above my desk mocking me with the word organize on it.
My closet also looks like an episode of hoarders. CBD gummies expired. Unworn coats. Sweaters. Pen holders. Giant planks of wood. Suitcases filled with summer clothes. Hoodies. So many hoodies. Didn’t I just do a give away last year? What is happening?
Anyway.
Everything is an overwhelming mess. I look at my desk and closet and burst into tears not knowing where to begin.
This feels like a parallel to where I am mentally. I am mentally falling apart. I’m trying to hold on by a thread but it is too thin and I am dangling from the ceiling. I don’t know what to do. I want to blame my meds but I honestly haven't been taking them long enough to blame them.
I really am craving someone to come in on a white horse and clean up everything. I really want someone on a reality tv show to come in and ask me what I want to throw out and what I want to keep. I want a social worker to do what I have done for countless others for me. I want to lay on my bed and…
