Quit, Recommit, Repeat. How I plan to defeat the cycle of falling apart.

Photo by Bruce Christianson on Unsplash

I recently had a really cute mental breakdown. I would rate this one a 6/10 would not have again but definitely understand why it happened. I also took off points because it’s not for a new reason. It’s because I burnt out again. I spun out of control. I got hyperfocused on doing my job, making others like me, and doing things correctly that I completely lost sight of myself and blah blah blah…

This is the part of the movie where I, figure it out,quit my job, take care of myself, go on vacation, and reconnect to who I really am inside. Then the credits roll.

Some of you might have had a similar experience where you quit your job, created your own meaning and finally learned your lesson.

Until you realized you live in a capitalist society and you have an embarrassing amount of credit card debt, bills to pay, and door dash to order because cooking sucks.

So what do you do? You have to get another job. And in this job you give your all, you are doing amazing, for approximately 7 months. Until you get itchy, and everyone is corrupt and your coworkers are evil, and your boss is trying to murder you, and you are working too hard trying to please your father who isn’t even in the room, and you burn out. Again. Quit this job. Go on vacation. Go on a Beyoncé self discovery journey and the credits roll again.

Then you see that this is a pattern. You realize that when the going gets tough. You the tough, gets going.

So why do you leave? Why do you constantly run away from spaces that are uncomfortable when there is possibly a lesson for you there?

I have an answer for why I do this and maybe it will resonate with you:

I am Drake.

I stay in my feelings.

Everything comes from how I feel. When I wake up in the morning. I am ready to die. I am so broken and sad that I have been awakened from my peaceful slumber. I question everything every morning. I ask God why I was born and I pray for a quick and expedient end because life is turmoil and brokenness and there is no way of escape.

Then I get dressed and get ready to commute to work.